Sometimes life baffles me.
Of all the people in the world, we are each individuals.
If life were a story, then in our minds, each of us would be the main character. We each view the world from within ourselves, through our own eyes. Looking out into the realm of life in which every other person is another character in our own story of life. Just as in a movie or book, there are supporting chracters, these would be the people closest to us, husbands and wives, parents, children and dear friends. But all around us are the crowds of people who we really dont know and are in their own little world that merely overlaps into ours.
When a new chapter of our story unfolds, its effect on us may be quite direct and often has an impact on the supporting persons in our lives, whether it be good news or bad. But those persons outside of our circle of loved ones and acquaintences, can carry on with their lives , oblivious to our own unfolding events.
Yesterday, I recieved some extremely upsetting news about someone in my close circle of people. I was devastated by what I heard. The impact on myself was near overwhelming. for a few moments, I forgot how to breath, and my stomach turned to lead. As I drove towards home, I was so overcome with anguish that I felt physically ill. My heart hurt so severly and the pain was beyond description.
Yet, as I drove home, I was aware of the warm sun shining on the city of Maple Ridge. Maneuvering through town, I noticed so many people out on the sidewalks, pushing baby strollers, chatting and laughing. Folks milling about in cafe doorways, with their coffees and bags of shopping. These people dont share my anguish, they arent even aware of the black cloud that is blocking the sun from shining upon me. I am sure if they heard my news they would be empathetic and for a moment stop and think "Oh how sad", then get back to business as usual.
To these people, it is just another ordinary day. I am sure there must be many times when one of them have suffered and I would have been completely oblivious. so now it is my turn, my families turn, to cry. Meanwhile the world goes on. Life goes on.
It is Kayla.
We were celebrating a few days ago that her scan were clear. It turns out not to be so. Her preliminary Xrays were clear. However three days later the ct scans were interpreted and the news is not good. The cancer has come back in her lungs in a very aggressive way. Since her surgery to remove three tumors at christmas, at least 40 more lesions have occured. Her left lung is litterally covered with lesions , inside and out. The doctors say they cant do surgery, its just too much. Her only hope now is for a miracle. She wants to try an experimental chemo that has been showing some promise. So we are waiting to see if she gets accepted into the program.
This is a girl who is WELL by all appearances. She was playing volley ball a couple of days ago! She feels great and it just seems so unreal that someone can look and feel so healthy, yet be handed this sentance.She has decided to fight it to the bitter end. She refuses to accept defeat. She knows the test drugs will make her feel very ill, after all, she has been through chemo before. But Kayla is determined to try everything she can to win this fight. Right now, she just cant believe any other outcome but to triumph over this evil dragon. She is not ready to accept defeat.
UPDATE: Some of the family have decided to go out to visit Kayla. Tommorrow a vanload of us will head out over the Rocky Mountains to Edmonton, Alberta. It's a 16 hour drive in good weather. But with winter conditions, it may take longer. Especially when I take a turn at the wheel, I such an old granny on the road! Though there is little we can really do to improve things, we just want to be close to her for a while. I will try to post when I can. Thanks to every one who leaves a comment. I will forward any messages to Kayla.