Sometimes life baffles me.
Of all the people in the world, we are each individuals.
If life were a story, then in our minds, each of us would be the main character. We each view the world from within ourselves, through our own eyes. Looking out into the realm of life in which every other person is another character in our own story of life. Just as in a movie or book, there are supporting chracters, these would be the people closest to us, husbands and wives, parents, children and dear friends. But all around us are the crowds of people who we really dont know and are in their own little world that merely overlaps into ours.
When a new chapter of our story unfolds, its effect on us may be quite direct and often has an impact on the supporting persons in our lives, whether it be good news or bad. But those persons outside of our circle of loved ones and acquaintences, can carry on with their lives , oblivious to our own unfolding events.
Yesterday, I recieved some extremely upsetting news about someone in my close circle of people. I was devastated by what I heard. The impact on myself was near overwhelming. for a few moments, I forgot how to breath, and my stomach turned to lead. As I drove towards home, I was so overcome with anguish that I felt physically ill. My heart hurt so severly and the pain was beyond description.
Yet, as I drove home, I was aware of the warm sun shining on the city of Maple Ridge. Maneuvering through town, I noticed so many people out on the sidewalks, pushing baby strollers, chatting and laughing. Folks milling about in cafe doorways, with their coffees and bags of shopping. These people dont share my anguish, they arent even aware of the black cloud that is blocking the sun from shining upon me. I am sure if they heard my news they would be empathetic and for a moment stop and think "Oh how sad", then get back to business as usual.
To these people, it is just another ordinary day. I am sure there must be many times when one of them have suffered and I would have been completely oblivious. so now it is my turn, my families turn, to cry. Meanwhile the world goes on. Life goes on.
It is Kayla.
We were celebrating a few days ago that her scan were clear. It turns out not to be so. Her preliminary Xrays were clear. However three days later the ct scans were interpreted and the news is not good. The cancer has come back in her lungs in a very aggressive way. Since her surgery to remove three tumors at christmas, at least 40 more lesions have occured. Her left lung is litterally covered with lesions , inside and out. The doctors say they cant do surgery, its just too much. Her only hope now is for a miracle. She wants to try an experimental chemo that has been showing some promise. So we are waiting to see if she gets accepted into the program.
This is a girl who is WELL by all appearances. She was playing volley ball a couple of days ago! She feels great and it just seems so unreal that someone can look and feel so healthy, yet be handed this sentance.She has decided to fight it to the bitter end. She refuses to accept defeat. She knows the test drugs will make her feel very ill, after all, she has been through chemo before. But Kayla is determined to try everything she can to win this fight. Right now, she just cant believe any other outcome but to triumph over this evil dragon. She is not ready to accept defeat.
UPDATE: Some of the family have decided to go out to visit Kayla. Tommorrow a vanload of us will head out over the Rocky Mountains to Edmonton, Alberta. It's a 16 hour drive in good weather. But with winter conditions, it may take longer. Especially when I take a turn at the wheel, I such an old granny on the road! Though there is little we can really do to improve things, we just want to be close to her for a while. I will try to post when I can. Thanks to every one who leaves a comment. I will forward any messages to Kayla.
16 comments:
Oh bless her, before I go to bed i pray and Kayla will be on this list aswell. I sincerely wish and hope and will pray for a miracle. Even though I do not know this girl I do understand what she is going through. I was 24 years old and a month away from getting married when I lost my beloved mother to Cancer.
Kayla I do care for your recovery and will pray every day for you xx
Dear Kayla: we have never met. I know of you through Susan's entries about you, and Monica's supporting comments. After reading the previous post about your progress, I was as upbeat as Susan's entry.
Then I read this one; it was like a fist between the eyes. I understand Susan's angst, though to a lesser degree, since I am not an integral part of your life as Susan is. But it proved a hard read, anyway.
Still...God's been known to grant miracles. And your own expressed determination to fight on and live life to the fullest, well...I won't bet against you.
So many questions in life I wish I had answers to, some in my own life. Alas, I lack most of answers I wish I had. I lack them here. So I'll simply say this: Life is many things. Fair isn't one of them. But from life's adversities and unfairness comes heroism. Heroism knows many forms and assumes many different guise. I've learned of people I consider heroes from the past. I come to know or recognize heroes in contemporary times. Within your generation, I find two who stand out as heroes in my book: one is Monica's oldest son. The other is you.
God bless you, Kayla, and the good fight you wage. I'll keep you in my best thoughts. If God would grant me one miracle, I would gladly give it to you. A better thing, I couldn't do.
I wish for a miracle TEN times over, and more.
My hopes and prayers are with you Kayla. Keep fighting.
Love Sheila
Hi Susan, shat an unbelievable change of outcome for poor little Kayla. If anyone can beat this, she can, but how many more attacks on her emaciated body can she stand. I don't think I have ever come upon a stronger will to live, than that which beats within the heart of Kayla.
We will keep her in our prayers and jus trust that she will respond to this new treatment, but how much can that little body stand?
How is Troy relating to this news, not to mention the other littler kids in the household. This is something that has to affect the whole family, love and best wishes to them all. love mom
I am dumbfounded that this can keep happening to such a sweet child. She has fought so hard and keeps on trying. My prayers are with her in this time of trial. I only wish that God will grant all of us praying for her, the miracle required. Hugs to Kayla and to your family.
Hey... the cancer society called me up earlier to canvass our neighbourhood, it was wierd timing really..., and I got quite mad after reading your post, just because this is such a vile horrible disease. While I can only send wishes of good hope, peace and positive thoughts, I can get out and hopefully gather some donations that might help in the research to cure this ugly beast.
Safe driving to all of you...and don't fret... somedays we need more grannys out on the road!
I am so saddened to hear about Kayla.
Kayla's prognosis is not necessarily her future. Prognoses are based on statistics, but nobody can say now how Kayla's body and the cancer may react to treatment with a new drug.
I am offering prayers for her healing, and for her to have the strength to fact this latest hurdle with the grace she's shown in facing her previous challenges.
Hope is paramount in all of this.
I'd like to share an article with you, ironically hosted on Steve Dunn's site, a man who lived with metastatic renal cell cancer for over 15 years, and of whom Ellen and I both knew and spoke of.
The article is The Median Is Not The Message, written by Stephen Jay Gould, a former evolutionary biology professor at Harvard University.
At my Bible study last week, we read Romans 5, this passage:
We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint, because God has poured out his love into our hearts.
Hang on to your hope.
My heart is aching for you and your family, Susan. Your last post about Kayla was so positive and uplifting, and now this! I pray that Kayla will be accepted for the test chemo, and that the drugs will do the trick. She has faced so many hurdles in her young life and has triumphed, and I can only pray that she will be triumphant again.
Take care on your drive to Edmonton, Susan. And know that all of us in blogland are praying for you and your family. And especially for Kayla. She is one special young lady!!
Dear Kayla and family,
I just read Susan's latest post and want you all to know that you are in my prayers. Hold fast and be strong, for each other and for Kayla. Miracles do happen, and we will be praying for one for you!
Hugs,
Deb
I pray for Kayla every day. I can't imagine how you all must feel, especially Kayla herself. I pray for your recovery every day Kayla. Hang in there. Love and hugs from Annie in England xxx
Kayla I admire your attitude to fight the cancer. I know, it's unacceptable for a young and strong girl as you are. I strongly hope that the test drugs give the results we all want for you. It will be a heavy time to endure the treatment and as we heard from your aunt Susan you will not accept defeat. You are a fighter and take every chance to win and survive. We have never met each other but your aunt has told us so much about her brave niece Kayla and which place she deserves in the hearts of her family. In that way we know enough of you to provide you with a lot of support. Fight Kayla.... Fight and be the WINNER.
I am so very sorry. You are in my prayers and I will continue to pray for your family. If it is any comfort, Miracles Happen! In Winnipeg, Cindy Klassen, the Olympian speedskater's sister was involved in a horrendous car crash. Her car careened over a bridge into the river below. Her head was submerged in water for 5 minutes and yet she was rescued and is making a complete recovery. I pray for your miracle.
A friend of my mom's had breast cancer 20 years ago and her only hope of survival was an experimental treatment. That experiment is the reason she is alive and cancer free 20 years ago!
Give Kayla my love and KUDOS for shaving her head. I shaved my head once and don't think I could ever be bald twice.
Hugs to you too.
XO
My prayers for good results are with Kayla and the rest of your family. She is indeed a fighter.
You said: "Maneuvering through town, I noticed so many people out on the sidewalks, pushing baby strollers, chatting and laughing. Folks milling about in cafe doorways, with their coffees and bags of shopping. These people dont share my anguish, they arent even aware of the black cloud that is blocking the sun from shining upon me." This was one of the things that struck me just after my wife, Annie, died. The world had stopped for me but in continued on for others as if nothing had happened. That is kind of hard to understand but I guess it proves that we all exist in our own bubbles.
May the Lord bless and keep you strong, sweet Kayla. I'm praying the new treatment will do its work, and for a miracle as well. ((HUGS))
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