Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Middle Child
"The middle child often seems to have the most negative impressions of his lot in life. One approach to help middle children refrain things is to point out that in a sense they have the best of both worlds. They are the youngest to the older sibling and the oldest to the younger sibling. Therefore they are both a big brother/sister and a little brother/sister. Younger children always want to be able to do the things older siblings are allowed to do. And older siblings may feel that the younger siblings get away with things they were not able to when they were the same age.
Typical Middle Child Traits
Has neither rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.
Feels life is unfair.
Feels unloved, left out, "squeezed."
Feels doesn't have place in family.
Becomes discouraged and "problem child"
or elevates self by pushing down other siblings.
Learns to deal with both oldest and youngest sibling."
We have all heard of the Birth Order Psychology. Its funny how sometimes we fit these molds so closely. I for one am a typical older child. It seems though that there is a lot of focus on the middle child. The one who is often at a loss for his/her place in the family.
The photo above is of my middle child. My son D. before he cut his hair off (luckily, no Samson side effects, he's still strong) Who is close to his 17th Birthday. He is his own man. Strong personality. Honest to a fault. Capable. Occasionally pig headed (stubborn, not snouted). However, for all his tough exterior.... Extremely sensitive and vulnerable. He is, as you see, exceedingly handsome. (sure that's a moms' opinion). He could be a Calvin Kline Model in my opinion. Doesn't attitude just ooze from him?
One of my own siblings is a middle child. Out of four daughters, one had to be the middle kid. To boot, the youngest in our family is twins. So she got a double dose of the "You aren't the baby anymore" situation.
There is often a lot of negative vibe around the middle child. I like that last trait mentioned in the excerpt. Adaptable. For all the perceived middle child syndrome flaws. They are strong. At least the ones I know.
So do these traits follow through into adulthood? I think so. As long as we remain a close knit family, our birth order remains intact. I'm still the bossy big sister, always on the lookout for the little ones. Although I no longer feel that being the OLDEST has the privilege and stature, that I felt it had when I was ten!!!
In many ways, my son and my sister seem very alike. Sometimes they butt heads (not buttheads). They share the same sense of humor, the same "Take me as I am or shove it" attitude. (They will probably kill me when they see this, I'm sure they don't see their similarities).
Notice how I discretely managed to focus this post on the middle child, thus directing attention away from my self. That is a subtle skill that came in handy when trouble was being dished out when we were kids!
So what is your birth order and how did it affect your child hood? And does it still play a role in your sibling relationship today?
IN OTHER NEWS
Please go and see Chana at the Bunny Burrow. She has just lost her dad. Im sure your prayers will be greatly appreciated.